By Jon-Patrik Pedersen
Caltech Counseling Center

Everybody is looking for friends. It’s human nature. Even couples need friends (it’s too easy to become insular without them.) So here are some general and specific tips for how to meet and connect with others–some ways to make friends.

First, you must be around people to meet people. Second, you need to interact with them, and in ways that are inviting and non-threatening. And third, you need to take initiative in turning an acquaintance into a friend. These statements may seem obvious, but observing ourselves and others indicates that we don’t always know how to employ them. How many of us sit in front of the TV, alone, feeling lonely? How often do we go to social events only to look on from the outside? And how awkward do we feel as we’re trying to extend an invitation of some sort? Some people may need counseling to overcome shyness or to learn new social skills, but short of this, maybe the following suggestions can help. Probably the ideal way to meet others is in the living of our own lives as we enjoy our hobbies and passions. But this requires making time for these (regardless of work demands) and knowing what they are. Team sports of any level can be a great way to meet others, or group interests such as dancing, meditation groups, book clubs, religious activities, choirs, hiking, etc.–which are all available on campus or in the Pasadena area. Opportunities for volunteering are plentiful, and this way of meeting others connects us to people with similar values while being meaningful in itself. In Pasadena we have Union Station, mentoring programs, environmental groups, AIDS service organizations, food delivery services, and many more. And political causes always need “hands and feet.” Although being a student can be and feel isolating, we don’t have to be alone–but we do need to exert some energy, and maybe courage, to meet new people.